This Valentine’s Day I-S lovingly hand-holds the love seeker on the journey down the road of no return. By Rachelle Low, Cecilia Quintanilla and Ramesh William

Love is a funny old thing, isn’t it? One day you’re in, the next day you’re out. Or for some, you’re always—we mean door-is-locked-it’s-raining-and-you-have-to-pee—out.
Now, if you’re a regular on the lurrve carousel, you’ll know how and when to step on or leap off. But what if you aren’t? How do you navigate the spinning (sometimes nauseatingly so) carnival ride that is romance? Where do you start? Where does it end? And how do you even begin to you fix things once the gears in the machinery start to grind to a halt and the black smoke starts to billow?
Well, fear not. As ever, I-S comes to the rescue. We show you how to clamber aboard the love train, tell you how to get off at the right stop—and if derailment does occur (be it from physiological or financial issues), we’ll give you a strategy for getting it up and running along perfectly lubricated wheels.

Step 1: Hook Up!
Where: It’s Just Lunch
(www.itsjustlunchsingapore.com, 6536-0100).
How: This is a really personalized service. First, a 1-hour “confidential meeting” is arranged to find more about you and what you are looking for in a partner. Most of the clients are busy professionals, so being very detailed about what you are looking for is paramount. A date is then arranged to suit your schedule, usually a lunch date or after dinner drinks. “A first date is meant to be light and casual, nothing too serious or heavy going,” says Anisa Hassan of It’s Just Lunch. “Singles should open lines of communication by focusing on topics of common interests.”
The Good: Everything is planned for you, down to the place where you will meet. Your date is handpicked according to your specifications and the chances of follow-up dates are very good.
The Dirt: It’s a little on the high end of the scale; the average single annual membership is about $2,000 so it does tend to attract an older, higher net-worth crew.

Where: Love Express (www.loveexpress.com.sg, 6823-1232) brings bachelors and bachelorettes together in a relaxed activity-based setting. The agency offers a wide range of activities and a good cross-section of people; you pay an annual fee of $50 and then depending on the activities you participate in, there will be some added costs.
How: The goal of this agency is to make it as fun as possible and shift the focus away from the “job” of finding a partner. A typical networking event will be carefully planned with the “right mix” (depending on what you may have indicated on your profile) of people invited to activities like cooking classes, karaoke singing or dancing to get to know each other. If you don’t find anyone you like, you’ll still have a whale of a time having fun and making new friends.
The Good: A great mix of age groups and backgrounds. Although age is nothing but a number according to Deon Chan, a consultant at Love Express, who says that women are “no longer that concerned about marriage,” adding that they just want someone to share their time with. In fact she says that the most important criteria they seek are maturity and general confidence. “We know ladies in their 40s dating guys in their 30’s,” she says. “This is rather common and quite natural, as long as they are compatible and comfortable with themselves.”
The Dirt: With a pairing up rate of 67 percent, you are more likely than not to find a good match. But Chan also cautions people to read the signs at hooking-up events like the ones she organizes. “At one of our events, we had a guy who ‘targeted’ a lady and kept following her—asking her for her phone number although it was obvious she wasn’t interested,” she says. “So we had to politely escort him away.”
She adds, “Don’t build up too much anxiety to the point of becoming overbearing; relax and be open-minded. And also, always display good manners; take the time to really nurture your new friendship!”

Where: Lovebyte (www.lovebyte.org.sg Social Development Unit-Social Development Services SDU-SDS, 1800-838-3988)
How: First of all you have to be a Singaporean to take advantage of this service. Got that one covered? Good. Just fill out an application form, get approved and you’ll start getting notifications regarding the next event to attend.
The Good: There will be all sorts of activities to lure a diverse mix of Singaporeans, but all of the weekly events are casual and fun. Among the activities on offer are dance classes, cooking workshops, relationship seminars and outdoor activities. Meeting-up sessions and activities are held at various locations around Singapore, with the costs varying depending on the activities and sessions.
The Dirt: This government service works in conjunction with several independent dating agencies in Singapore. The quality and type of activity tends to vary, and with the end goal being to get people married off, there’s definitely a bit of pressure to seal the deal early.

Where: Facebook (www.facebook.com) needs no introduction; the social networking site has opened up a whole new world for meeting people and chatting online.
How: As long as you have an internet connection and aren’t afraid, this is the perfect tool to connect with anyone anywhere; the only boundaries, as the cliché goes, are in your mind.
The Good: There are some cool online dating apps for Facebook that might help you out to find your dream date. Try Zoosk, Hot or Not and Are You Interested. You can also try joining groups like: Singapore Facebook Singles or Singapore Dating Club. Your profile picture on Facebook might lead to some random chat-ups, and you should go for it. The best part is it won’t cost you a cent.
The Dirt: The big challenge is translating your keyboard skills to a real-life conversation. You’ll come off like a drugged Tarzan if you take 10 seconds to hunt and peck out the words “you’re hot.” If you want to really look slick, type like a pro. You can get started with the free lessons available at www.typingcourse-online.com. Once you have made a connection and have established sufficient trust, you can turn a Facebook relationship into a face-to-face one.

Step 2: Get it Up
Just because you now have a partner doesn’t mean it’s all mission accomplished. For most, the “hard” part begins here.
Michael Douglas recently attributed the success of his marriage to that magic blue pill; also study after study will tell you that bedroom dissatisfaction ranks second only after money issues as the determining cause for the break up of a relationship.

How: Get coached.
Where: Sure popping Viagra can help in the short term, but there’s no point having a sharpened tool if you don’t know how to use it effectively. You therefore need to learn the moves necessary to spark the relationship into a fiery blaze of passion. Enter stage right, Eros Coaching (www.eroscoaching.com), a Singapore-based life-and sex-coaching outfit helmed by Dr. Martha Lee, a clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality.
Lee conducts workshops (no worries, there’s no nudity or touch involved), classes, clinics and private counseling services for both couples and individuals, addressing a whole array of issues from the physical, psychological, social, emotional, and spiritual.
“This might sound clichéd but the first thing couples can do is to communicate more about their sexual needs, wants and desires openly, honestly and without fear of reproach,” says Lee. “It’s one thing to say: Communicate more, but how exactly would you do so? This is where I come in to share with couples simple, practical yet impactful exercises that can help in the areas of communication, intimacy and touch.”
Lee adds, “One clear tell-tale sign you should seek external support is when you and/or your partner face some degree of emotional distress or anxiety, and do not feel equipped to handle it yourselves.
“However one common misconception is that you only can seek sexuality coaching when there is a problem. I’d have couples coming to me for sexual enrichment or enhancement learning, as this is more proactive rather than reactive.”

How: Get in shape
Where: Now this is for both dudes and gals. Nothing kick-starts the passion like good old blood circulating through one’s veins. Exercise is the quickest way to get out of a funk.
Not only will the post-exercise rush of endorphins imbue you with an instant flush of feel-goodness, in the long-term running will help you lose all that flab—men will get better erections, while women—with an improved sense of body image awareness—will feel a helluva lot more sexier.
Don’t take this from us; take it from a recent research study from the Harvard School of Public Health which studied over 30,000 male participants. It reported that those who were physically active were 30 percent less likely to be stricken with erectile dysfunction compared with those who did not partake in physical activity.
In another study by the University of British Columbia, 20 minutes of daily physical activity spurred “greater sexual response” in women compared with no exercise at all.
While most running and sports clubs (dragonboat racing has been the rage for a few years now) won’t advertize as such, it’s still a great place to meet like-minded individuals who share a common interest, like working out and having fun.
Here is another great place to meet people while getting sweaty: The Singapore Shuffle (www.meetup.com/shufflers); where you can do group runs over short and long distances. Oh, and you can thank us later.
As for getting fit, therapist Lee recommends taking up a dance class. “It goes a long way towards you being and becoming more comfortable with your body. This not only helps keep you flexible and healthy, but can also aid you in being more sexually attractive to the opposite sex,” she says. “For the ladies, I advocate taking belly dance classes such as from Belly Dance Discovery (www.bellydance.com.sg).”
But she also adds that while getting in shape can help with body image issues, it is also worthwhile to do some “inner work”. “The more you learn about yourself, what you stand for, and what is important to you, the more you come into your ‘being’,” she says. “You can only be a wonderful lover or attractive partner when you are a wonderful and attractive person yourself.”

How: Lingerie
Where: Victoria Secret has just opened its first store in Asia—right here at the swish new Resorts World Sentosa. With it its stunning pieces (some outfits are as OTT bling bling as those found on their über-famous Victoria Secret Fashion Show) this is a surefire winner. Prices are what you would expect them to be (check out their website www.victoriasecret.com for a rough idea) but can you really put a price on this kind of thing?

How: Viagra
Where: Some men like this as a first, or only, resort. But we say keep this option till everything else fails. And please, we’re not advocating any old pill popping here—Viagra is relatively safe, unlike its fake counterparts and other wannabe home-brewed “competitors”.
Get them from your GP, who would (if they’re any good at their job) assess if you’re medically fit to consume them. Viagra pills come in 25 milligram, 50 milligram and 100 milligram doses; typically one 100 milligram pill costs $25 (but again, can you put a price on this kind of thing?). There are some side-effects to Viagra, the most common being a blue tint clouding over one’s vision, which in this dastardly heat can have quite a cool, calming effect.
But a word of caution from sex therapist Martha Lee, “It may not be appropriate for men with certain health conditions, such as severe heart disease, heart failure, history of stroke, or uncontrolled high blood pressure or diabetes.
“The alternative treatments available for erectile dysfunction include injections, mechanical devices, surgery, and psychotherapy. Any sexual dysfunction does have a psychological and emotional impact.”
She also recommends that clients find a trained sexologist to discuss their condition as it can alleviate anxiety and stress. “By processing feelings and being in a better state of mind, clients will be able to make better decisions about their sexual health,” she says.

Step 3: Break Up
Breaking up is hard to do, so sang Neil Sedaka, Tom Jones, The Carpenters and probably 25 others who did anywhere between acceptable and wretched covers on this very sentiment. You don’t need this lot to vouch for it though; take it from us: Breaking up is a bitch. It is minefield of issues, protocols and hassle-filled procedures rife with discomfort, guilt, confusion and sadness. And it’s not as easy as how much-cooler indie rockers Red Verse would have it, humming: “When there’s nothing left to say/please just walk away.” We hate doing it, but sometimes in order to save ourselves from ending up in a sanitarium, tough decisions need to be made and even tougher questions need to be answered.

How: Checking up on the other halves
If the foul whiff of spousal infidelity hangs in the air, then Singapore has no shortage of private investigators waiting to handle your case.
Check out www.catchcheatingspouse.com; run by Kokusai Security (#05-46, Peninsula Plaza, 111 North Bridge Rd, 1800-3399-001). PIs are not as expensive as you think; prices are either time-or assignment-based.

How: Divorce Lawyers
If you really feel like taking the plunge back into singledom then pay a visit to the Law Society website (www.lawsociety.org.sg) to acquaint yourself with the steps involved in getting a divorce. You also get a list of lawyers and law firms that specialize in handling divorce cases. This is an arduous, long-winded process, so buckle down for the ride folks. Singapore divorce law states you must be married for three years before you can file a writ for divorce; only under exceptional circumstances (like unimaginable cruelty), and with permission from the court, can you file for a writ before this time.

How: Text messages
It’s lame and quite cowardly, but just in case you can’t get ‘er done any other way, keep this text handy: Me not happy ne mo. I think we need 2 brk up. Tried 2 call u, but u not @ hme. Try to not call me nex few days; bizzy. Have a gd life. Thnx.

Step 4: Make Up
With proper help, U-turns are possible when the relationship reaches a dead end.
According to Dee Stephen of Alliance Professional Counseling, many relationships break down because of a lack of connection and intimacy. “As humans, we crave the connection with one another and when it isn’t forthcoming we will look for it elsewhere,” says Stephen. “Good relationships don’t just happen…they require work!”
Ho Shee Wai, Registered Psychologist and Director of The Counseling Place shares some sage (albeit tough-sounding) advice. “While counseling can help the couple learn the skills to make the relationship well, the willingness to put in the extra effort and work needs to come from the couple,” she says. “And that is the single determinant of the success of turning an old relationship into a brand new one.”
Ho adds that although counseling sessions enjoy a high success rate, it is not always an awesome feeling having to air all your dirty linen to a stranger. She has even dealt with couples who physically abuse each other (even during the sessions) or walk out of them entirely. Stephen meanwhile, shares that she has seen couples that are willing to work at it emerge from distant and empty relationships into fulfilling and satisfying ones.

So are you now willing to suck it up and get some help? Maybe these counseling agencies can help:
Where: Alliance Professional Counseling, #04-03, Cluny Court, 501 Bukit Timah Road, 6466-8120.
What: Alliance Professional Counseling offers a unique counseling method called the Gottman Method Couple Counseling (www.gottman.com). This is a revolutionary approach to help couples create meaningful and satisfying relationships and is based on over 30 years of scientific study.

Where: Platinum Light Pte Ltd, #05-49, Tanglin Shopping Centre, 19 Tanglin Road, 6795-0805.
What: Platinum Light uses a unique form of counseling known as Intuitive Counseling Therapy. Through conversation, they can quickly pinpoint the issues you are facing and empower you to reach a solution more quickly.

Where: The Counseling Place, #16-90, The Central, 8 Eu Tong Sen Street, 6887-3695.
What: The Counseling Place believes in providing quality, professional mental health care to their clients and specializes in serving expatriate families in Singapore, as well as local Singaporean professionals. Besides counseling, they also have a range of other services like the sci-fi sounding: Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR).

Where: LifeSteps Pte Ltd, #04-09, Orchard Parade Hotel Office Suites, 1 Tanglin Road, 6836-1186.
What: LifeSteps Pte Ltd provides professional counseling and psychotherapy and aims to empower its clients by equipping them with tools and advice to take on life’s love challenges.