That hundreds of people have already been banned from our lone casino is nothing strange. But what might be considered odd in other countries is the fact that some 300 of the banned volunteered for the blacklist (or were nominated by “loved” ones). Sure, gambling addiction is a nearly universal problem, but perhaps only in Singapore would the gamblers stand up and beg to be counted. We can’t help but wonder what fatal flaw will be next on Big Brother government’s list of voluntary blacklists. “Please, help me! I want to be banned from….”

….budget airlines.
Reason stated: I have a tendency to waste company time; feverishly checking out all sorts of deals on these extremely user-friendly budget airline websites. I’m addicted to getting the absolute lowest fares—destination irrelevant. I’ve been to Phuket for three bucks return, even though it was a Tuesday morning and I had to take no-pay leave. Also terribly addicted to the food on a certain “well-known budget airline” and have been known to leave family functions midway just to satisfy my cravings.

….being a doormat.
Reason stated: My girlfriend suffers from low self-esteem and mine is even lower. I have to follow her to job interviews (numerous instances; she can’t hold down a job), follow her to the doctor (hypochondriac), carry her shopping bags (shopaholic), carry her bag (lazy) and watch TV with her (else she gets bored). Please save me.

….lousy service jobs.
Reason stated: For the longest time, my parents have refused to give more than $300 a week for my allowance, resulting in me having to work in cafes and department stores to make up the shortfall. Customers have started to complain that I have no initiative, can’t smile and can’t be bothered in general. Like what’s the problem? That’s who I am; take it or leave it. But as I have no other skills, I have to work in this line—which I hope you can ban me from soon.

… leaving the house.
Reason stated: Unless I’m near an MRT line or a taxi queue, I don’t know how to get from point A to B. I can’t identify roads; even if the streets signs are huge. I can’t identify neighborhoods; even if there are striking landmarks. I had no idea Bedok is in the east and that Orchard Road is a 10-minute walk from Dempsey. Please help me, as my co-workers and friends are beginning to detest me.

…cigar posing
Reason stated: I forgot how I got hooked on this. Maybe I got influenced by I-S’ cool Mr.K-I-A or something. Now I can’t help myself, and whip it out when I’m at anything remotely important like sipping coffee outside Starbucks, catching a flight from the Budget Terminal or chilling out in a Facebook-triggered class reunion.